I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
