Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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