she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
false alarm, still single
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
