I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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