Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
