I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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