After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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