Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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