I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
