i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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