Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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