Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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