This is not my ceiling
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
