i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
