There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
