Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
