I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All the doctor said was why
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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