WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
