I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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