Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
