So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
