Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
try to milk me bitch
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