i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
