we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
