You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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