Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
