My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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