filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
