Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
