So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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