sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
