after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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