Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
