Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
