guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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