I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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