i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
