thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
