I love black thongs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
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