There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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