I want to have your abortion
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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