she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
