he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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