so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
