Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
