He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
