If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
