Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
