I want to stick my p in your. b.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
