It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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