Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
