I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
