and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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