Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
