By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
