im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
