I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
