Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
