If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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