I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
