I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You are a genius and a whore.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
