I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
