I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
