Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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