textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
