i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
