And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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